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This Tiger Tale Continues to Grow
Woods Enters Clinic for 'Sex Adddition' a PR Move
Commentary by "The Bartender," an award-wining sports reporter who now writes columns for PubClub.com.
This cannot go without comment.
Tiger Woods has reportedly checked into a rehabilitation clinic (according to author Benoit Denizet-Lewis and two local TV stations in Mississippi) because he is a "recovering sex addict." A recovering sex addict!? Well what young guy isn't a sex addict?
Especially one who is more famous than the Pebble Beach Pro-Am and has more money than the country clubs in which he plays!?
This Tiger tale gets more intriguing by the moment. First, he crashed his car into both a fire hydrant and a tree, and while reports vary (hardly surprising in today's world of jump-to-conclusion journalism) it's pretty apparent that at the very least he was leaving his house in one heck of a hurry.
He then acted like just about all my tee shots and went into hiding. This, of course, was like feeding caviar to the news media camped out as his house and led to so many revelations of marital infidelity the number of affairs ceased to become news. And now he enters a clinic to treat himself for a "sex addiction."
Well, I can see through this like a Victoria's Secret negligee. It's a PR attempt to get him some sympathy before he returns to the PGA Tour. No way is he missing the Masters and he's doubtless got a plan of when to return beforehand. (Best guess is the Arnold Palmer Invitational, March 25-28 in Orlando.) UPDATE: It IS the Masters, which is as controlled an environment as there is in all of sports. No National Enquirer or TMZ here.
So how does one get "cured" from being a sex addict? How does this work exactly? It's not like a dog that gets neutered. He's still got his goods. Do they install a lock on his crotch? Put blinders on the guy? Make sure he only gets take-out from restaurants? Give his wife a 9-iron and mold it to her hands like a cast?
Well, I have news for you, American public. The women will keep coming after Woods, falling over him like his putts on the 18th green. Some girls can pull out gold shovels faster than Tiger's caddy can produce a pitching wedge. The question is whether or not Woods can keep his putter in the right bag.
When the story broke, I wondered why Tiger bothered to get married in the first place. He was rich, single, decent looking and obviously easily excitable around women. Did he think his protective personality would shield him from shanking his life off into the, well, woods?
And after he said "with this ring," why was he so accessible to other women? I'm telling you, sports personalities, celebrities and other high-profile people should hire a designated "Fall Guy" to run interference for them. The Fall Guy makes the initial contact, gets the girl's (or girls') number, has the cell phone and makes all the calls.
If someone is to get caught, it's the Fall Guy who takes the fall. Of course, he is paid handsomely for his loyalty.
Sure beats sitting in a clinic trying to whip a "disease" that every man on the planet is born with and that can be "cured" only by a rewarding relationship.
The Bartender can be reached at bartender@pubclub.com
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