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Just in the 'Nick' of Nicknames
Making the Most of Monikers That Mark People
What's in a nickname?
For people who have them – or dole them out – they are a
person's stamp of personality, a point of pride, a profile of particular
habits or, perhaps, peculiarities.
Some people seek out nicknames, sometimes new titles are a consequence
of circumstance and then there are some characters whose actions just
BEG for a moniker.
 Nicknames
are everywhere. Presidents have them. Even the Pope doesn't go by his
given name, They are particularly prevalent in sports, where not only
players are known as The Yankee Clipper, The Babe, The Galloping
Ghost and The Big Unit, (the lucky guy), but even the games
have titles. The Shot Heard Round the World. The Catch. The Immaculate
Reception. These titles define the moments themselves and forever
stamp the greatness of the event.
In some countries, nicknames are part of the culture. Just about everybody
in Brazil not only has one, but goes by it almost exclusively.
In the years PubClub
has been traveling the globe, we have encountered individuals who are
just best suited to be known by nicknames we bestow upon them. We have
Hot Body Connie and Herr Amsterdam. Asian Ed. Bucket Billy.
Digger. Double D. The Harbor Master. Ice. Nutty. Screen Door. Surfer
Mike.
There's The Beast, The Fish and The Lifeguard. Waldo
(because he's everywhere). With Cream, Cheese, Olive Oil, Frying
Pan and Spoon, we have the kitchen covered. And we must recognize
The World's Most Dangerous Canadian.
And don't forget the PubClubettes: Sexy Shauna, Sultry Sasha and
Delicious Dee.
Some individuals are held in such high regard for living up to their
nicknames that PubClub has felt the need to pen articles specifically
about them, which we've identified with these links: Luau
Larry. The
Aquarium Guy. The
Blonde.
While surely more are to come, here's a look at the People of PubClub
and how they came to earn their particular nickname:
ASIAN ED – Loves Asian girls. We've often lost him
on the street or in a bar only to locate him having an Asian girl pinned
up against a wall. He's got a knack for it; too, because they love his
attention.
BUCKET BILLY – There's a bar Billy frequents that serves
potent drinks in 64-ounce buckets. They are meant to be shared by a
group but Billy – one of the most polite people we've ever encountered
– likes to take care of 'em himself, usually on Sunday afternoons.
Needless to say, he's a mess by dark. But he's still polite.
CREAM CHEESE – This came about after a night in Miami.
He's about the smoothest talker we have ever encountered. He's witty,
clever and creative, able to create humorous conversations with ease
and flair. While thinking of this, we happened to be walking by a bagel
shop and it struck us – he's as smooth as cream cheese on a bagel.
Unfortunately girls think it sounds slimy but nothing could be farther
from the truth. When we went to Montreal we had to call him by his French
name: Frommage de la Creme.
DIGGER – We can't take credit for this one. He earned
this back in the roarin' 1300 days of life in Manhattan
Beach, CA. Seems he was quite good at digging tough shots
out of the sand in the beach volleyball games that served as a weekend
warmup at this beachfront adult fraternity house. Interesting enough,
he ran with the name and even used it in an 800- phone number, which
he sold to a gardening firm for something like $10,000. Now THAT'S digging!
DOUBLE D – She has two nicknames. Actually, make that
three, because her "Double Ds" are individually known as Thelma
and Louise. In defending the Double D name she says, "Hey it's
because I'm Diva Dana!" Right.
THE HARBOR MASTER – We call her this because she always
seems to have a fleet of men around her. It takes someone like a harbor
master to control all this traffic.
HERR AMSTERDAM – This guy has been to Amsterdam so many
times he knows it like the back of his hand. It's a badge of honor.
Read about
The Bartender tagging along with Herr Amsterdam.
HOT BODY CONNIE – Pretty self-explanatory. One look at
this girl in a bikini would be explanation enough. Fortunately, she
does not have the attitude to keep fun people at bay, instead having
an outgoing personality that finds fun.
ICE – Good guy. From Virginia. Mostly conservative
and rarely has more than a couple of drinks when he's out because he
likes to stay in control. Cool as ice, one might say. But put bourbon
in him – and it has to be real Kentucky Bourbon – and he melts
like, well, ice does when bourbon is poured in a glass.
NUTTY – She's different, some would even say a bit
odd. But really, she just unique. Nutty is her own person. For example,
she takes her cat for walks.. In a large grocery store, she wanders
the aisles wide-eyed, stopping to pluck down cheese, meat and other
products which she consumes as she makes her way through the rest of
the store (when she gets to the cash register, she presents the empty
packets to scan). Nutty, you see, gets distracted by shiny objects.
Her cozy vehicle, by the way, is The Nutty Van.
OLIVE OIL AND THE FRYING PAN – First the first. We met
an absolutely sexy girl whom we were told was a mid-20s virgin. After
a few unsuccessful attempts to take care of the poor girl, we (well,
it was actually our columnist, The Bartender) determined it was worse
than he thought - she's an Extra Virgin! Thus, the name Olive Oil. It
was pretty easy to cover the nickname's real meaning because she is
slim like the Popeye character. Plus, as it turns out this was her nickname
in college (an affirmation of our opinion, no doubt). Eventually her
friend with no nickname – okay girl, it's coming! – coaxed
the real truth out of us and the secret was out of the bottle. These
days she's hardly living up to her name because she is living with a
guy. He, of course, is The Frying Pan because he heats up Olive Oil.
SCREEN DOOR – Surprise confession: This one came about
when we were drinking! In a late-night attempt at having our lovely
lady neighbors join us for some final-evening fun, we walked into their
apartment. But they were not there, so we started some, er, redecorating
(it involved a stuffed teddy bear and fruit; let's just leave it at
that) when this particular individual decided he wanted a picture and
turned to sprint outside to get his camera. Unknown to him, someone
had shut the screen door and BAM! As timing would have it, this is precisely
when one of the girls emerged from sleeping and her first sight was
of our friend rolling around on the floor wrapped her a screen door.
Think she was amused?
SPOON – A natural, as his last name is Witherspoon. This
is a very common nickname in pro basketball, where there seem to be
quite a few Witherspoons for some reason. PubClub is trying – unsuccessfully
to this point – to have Spoon's fiancee dress up as a bowl of cereal
for Halloween.
SURFER MIKE – He lives in a small apartment in the California
coastal surf community of Es Porto. He surfs, his friends surf and they
talk about surfing. He's been all over California Mexico, Central America
and Brazil, all with his surfboard by his side."Surfer Mike"
is as much of a lifestyle as it is a nickname.
THE BEAST – His last name is Verbeast, and he's had this
tag since high school. Think "fullback running through the line"
when it comes to delivering lines to girls. Example: Immediately upon
meeting a girl from Sweden in bar, he says, "How do you say 'screw'
in Swedish?"
THE FISH – An attractive, vivacious blonde, she's got a
mouth you could put a hook in (on her, it works, quite frankly). For
years she did not know this was her nickname but her sister recently
spilled the beans. Great. Our cover blown.
THE LIFEGUARD – This tall Canadian, who is actually a firefighter,
earned this during a trip to a California beach when he wound up on
the lifeguard stand with a girl after a house party. Yeah!
WALDO – As we mentioned earlier, he's everywhere. He runs
through bars and parties like a French waiter delivering dinner. He's
on an eternal search to find the absolutely perfect setting with the
perfect women and well, to find it one has to pretty much be everywhere.
And finally, we leave you with...
THE WORLD'S MOST DANGEROUS CANADIAN.
Location: Whistler
Situation: Holiday weekend. Result: Hammered. First of all, let's just
start with the fact that he's a bartender. And as such, he knows a lot
about shots. What he does not seem to understand is that shots are best
saved for the night, to jump-start the mood or liven the atmosphere
when suddenly surrounded by lively lovelies. They are not intended to
be consumed during lunch, and certainly not on a beer-for-beer pace
at Happy Hour. The real danger comes when he leaves the table and leans
over the bar for a conversation with the bartender. That's when the
REAL stuff starts flying around. Dangerous, man, dangerous.
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