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The PubClub Profile –
The Girl With the Great Body
She's Hot, but What's She Doing Out?
Someone once asked Jimmy Buffett where he comes up with all those great
song titles and lyrics that mark his music.
"It's out there," The Man replied. "People are very
entertaining. All you have to do is listen, watch and talk to them.
It's amazing what you will run into."
For example, he got "If The Phone Doesn't Ring, It's Me"
from a bathroom wall. "Let's Get Drunk and Screw" from watching
a group of salesman try and pick up a stripper."Pre-You" from
a conversation overheard in an elevator of the Hotel Del in Coronado,
California. (Seems a man was quizzing his friend on what happened when
he and his bride encountered the ex-girlfriend while on their honeymoon.
"It's easy," the buddy explained, "I just told my wife
she was pre-you.")
This approach applies anywhere. The people, places and scenes of your
home town provide ample entertainment for those willing to pay attention.
Take, for instance, The Girl With The Great Body.
The Girl With The Great Body lives in a seaside Southern California
ciyvery . She cruises along the beach on rollerblades and resides in
an intimate neighborhood. Yet she remains a stranger in her own community,
a prisoner in self-imposed exile looking at not one, seeing nothing
and not speaking when spoken to. The Girl With The Great Body is as
silent as a submarine.
Perhaps she stutters. Has a voice like Elaine from the original "Airplane"
movie. Is so shy she burrows in the sand at the very site of another
life form.
No.
The Girl With The Great Body is a conceited snot.
Reasonably attractive (though not outstanding), very well-proportioned
and nicely tanned, The Girl With The Great Body has the personality
of drywall. She blows by her neighbors without even acknowledging their
presence. She looks right past people on the beach despite seeing them
nearly every day. A friend reports he lived next to her for a year and
she never once said "hi" to him.
At night, she goes to the bars with a couple of girlfriends and never
moves her lips. Not to other patrons, not even to her girlfriends. In
fact, none of them ever say anything to anybody. They just sit there
and stare into space.
How the heck do they make plans to go out? Ten seconds of silence on
the phone means the local cantina, 20 seconds means the dance club,
a minute-and-a-half is dinner and a movie!?
Better yet, why do they even bother gong out in the first place? Social
situations are for socializing, not for avoiding human contact. Are
they just out to occupy valuable bar space in order to crowd others
out of a good time?
The single world does not need people like this to invade our fun zone.
So, if The Girl With The Great Body – or anyone else like her for
that matter – comes up to you in a bar offering her number, give
her a line from this Buffett's song: If the phone doesn't ring, it's
me.
 Next
on the Party Bus: Kenny the Cab Driver
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