A Romance And Dating Blog Confession
It was one of my best moments of stealth.
I was in a bar as part of a lively pub crawl, my girlfriend at the time so close to me (as she usually was when we were out in public) you would have thought we were entered in a three-legged sack race contest. Sitting up on a stoop was another girl and somewhere in the drinks-filled fun of the event, I managed to get the other girl’s phone number without my girlfriend noticing it.
My girlfriend and I were having a few internal issues. It was mostly that despite being incredibly sexy and alluring, she was insecure. So she madly in love with me – or at least figured I was “the one” in her life and wanted to cling to me to get married – but her insecurity made it difficult for me to cope with at times. Being with her was like walking on eggshells and I never knew when she might crack and get uncontrollably emotional (which did happen a few times).
So I had the wandering eye, just to see if anything better was out there and I thought I may have found it in this other girl. If you’re going to do something, do it before you’re married, right!? I had never before cheated on a girl and wasn’t sure how I would react but I went ahead and made a date.
This girl lived two hours out of town so I drove down on a Friday night. We had already agreed that I would stay at her apartment, so what happened next was just kind of a prelude to what was likely to happen later in the night.
We went out to her three “routine” places in her small town (which was on the Southern California coast, mind you, not some little redneck joint in middle America) and partied with her friends. I had a great time. She was fun, her friends were very friendly and the night flew by as if on a magic carpet.
When we got back to the girl’s apartment, she suggested we go into the Jacuzzi. And as any single person knows, a late-night Jacuzzi after being in the bars is code for “foreplay.”
It didn’t take long for her to slip between my arms and we started making out with the kind of intensity that happens before you first have sex with a person. When we broke the embrace, I leaned back and instead of letting out the usual “ahhh,” I was overcome by a strange emotion.
It was guilt. And it covered by entire body, as if someone had just thrown a blanket on me. All of a sudden, I saw my girlfriend’s face, smiling and looking up at me. I missed her and wanted to be with her.
The girl must have sensed this because I looked her in the eyes and said “this isn’t going to work.”
“I know,” she said.
We got out of the jacuzzi and while we both slept in her bed we didn’t touch each other. In the morning, I quietly said goodbye and thank you and disappeared into the Southern California sunlight.
Upon returning home, I immediately called my girlfriend – I had told her I gone to visit a friend – and devoted myself to her for the rest of the time we dated. Had I slept with the other girl, I knew I could never look my girlfriend in the eyes the same way as I had before the incident.
The bottom line is that I just could not bring myself to cheat on her. Or any girl for that matter.
I know for some people it’s routine, that they think nothing of it. But I keep thinking it’s like former Alabama football coach Paul “Bear” Bryant once said about quitting, that the first time is tough, the second time is a little bit easier but still difficult and the third time is really easy.
I always want it to be tough.