The Nightlife Blogger: Sorry Girls, Chivalry Is Dead In California

What My Southern Mother Taught Me About Being A Gentleman

Good manners used to be part of dating. Open the door, let the woman order first and treat her with respect. After years of living in California and traveling the world, I’ve realized those simple acts of chivalry aren’t nearly as common as they are in the South.

 

The bar area of the popular restaurant was crowded, as is always the case on an early Friday evening, when in walked a couple on a date.

Both were in their late 20s, the guy well dressed and the girl flat-out gorgeous.

They walked up to the corner of the bar and the guy quickly got the bartender’s attention. Then he did something that caused me to pause, to sit in stunned silence. He ordered a beer from the bartender and then, almost as if an afterthought, turned to his date and said, “and what do you want?”

Yet he wasn’t finished. His beer arrived before her drink and instead of waiting on her, he took a sip. Then a second sip.

What’s more, the girl seemed not to notice how improperly she had been treated.

Pull that stunt with a Southern girl and she’ll pour that drink in your face. Then walk out and leave you standing alone at the bar wondering what happened.

But not in California, where girls have been so accustomed to this un-gentlemenly behavior they just let it roll off their shoulder.  I’ll bet the guy didn’t even open the door for her when they walked into the place.

I still remember a scolding my Southern mother gave me as a teenager. We were getting into the car when she grabbed me and said – quite sternly – “open the car door for your sister.” I protested, saying that it’s only my sister and I would do so for a girlfriend, but mom snapped back and said,  “a gentlemen open doors for ALL girls!”

Because of those words, I always open doors for girls. All doors, too, not just car doors. This is not always easy in California because sometimes I have to step in front of the girl – cutting her off in mid-stride – to do it.

This is apparently a problem in Australia, too. I was hanging with an Aussie gal in America and it took several days before she adapted to the concept. She was so used to going through doors first that once I grabbed her and gently pulled her back so I could get to the door before her. I wanted to train her that this is what men are supposed to do for girls.  “I’m just not used to that,” she said.

So I told her when she got back to Australia to stand in a doorway until a guy opened the door for her. “If I did that,” she said with a laugh (and this girl was very attractive), “I would be standing there for a bloody week!”

It’s not just opening doors that my mother (and father, too) taught me. It’s other manners, as well. Girls always go first. When in a bar or restaurant, she orders before you. If there are no seats available, you stand up and offer yours to her. This applies whether you know her or not. And it has to become so automatic that you don’t think about it, you just do it.

I’m reminded of a flight I was on when, seated in first class, the flight attendant asked me what I wanted to drink. I told her to ask the girl next to me first, but the flight attendant kept asking me. Finally, I told the flight attendant that I was not ordering until she first took the girl’s order. Only then would I order myself.

I actually thought nothing of it, but the girl sure did because she turned to me and said, “it’s good to know chivalry isn’t dead.”

Unfortunately, it is in California.

Hopefully, though, it’s becoming trendy in Australia.

The Nightlife Blogger is the bar columnist for PubClub.com, is an award-winning journalist and expert who has covered destinations, events and bars for more than two decades.