Hanging out with friends often revolves around going to a bar or to a home for drinks. It’s ingrained in cultures right across the world. There’s something about the atmosphere of a pub or with a drink in hand that sees people relax and enjoy their evening.
However, we know that alcohol is addictive and that indeed many people do have problems with it across the world. In fact, according to the World Health Organisation, more than 400 million worldwide have alcohol use disorders. So it’d perhaps be no surprise if you know a few people whose relationship is, say, a little problematic.
Naturally, we care about our friends so we may want to tell them if they are drinking too much and perhaps need an alcohol detox or help, not just for their health, but the fact it could be affecting their friendship too.
How you go about that can be difficult and it is ground you have to tread carefully. But, it is for their best interests and there are ways in which you can do it effectively. So, if you have a friend that may have a problem with alcohol, here are some top tips for going about it.
Choose the Right Time and Place
Timing and setting are key when broaching sensitive topics. Avoid bringing it up at a social gathering, especially if alcohol is present. Instead, choose a private, quiet environment where you can both feel comfortable and focus on the conversation without interruptions. Try to speak when they are sober, as this will allow them to process what you’re saying more rationally.
It’s also wise to approach them during a calm period rather than a stressful or emotionally charged moment. This shows respect for their feelings and helps ensure the discussion is received in the spirit it’s intended – as an expression of care rather than criticism.
Approach with Empathy and Avoid Judgement
Talking to a friend about their drinking can be tricky, so approaching the conversation with empathy is essential. Avoid using accusatory language, such as “You’re drinking too much” or “You always overdo it.” Instead, frame your concerns around how their behaviour affects you or how worried you feel. Statements like “I’ve noticed you seem stressed lately, and I’m here if you need support” are softer and more constructive.
Remember that excessive drinking is often rooted in underlying issues, such as stress, anxiety, or personal difficulties. Show that you’re aware of this by being non-judgemental and open to listening, which will help your friend feel safer opening up about their struggles if they choose to.
Express Concern, Not Control
It’s natural to feel protective when a friend’s actions are concerning, but trying to dictate their behaviour can lead to defensiveness. Instead of attempting to control or fix their drinking habits, focus on expressing your own worry and the impact it has on you. Saying, “I’m concerned because I care about you,” reinforces that your intention isn’t to judge but to show support.
To avoid sounding controlling, stick to “I” statements rather than “you” statements. For instance, saying, “I’ve been worried about how much you’re drinking recently,” is less likely to come across as confrontational than saying, “You need to stop drinking so much.” This keeps the conversation gentle, reminding them that they have your support without feeling attacked.
Provide Specific Examples
General statements might not help your friend understand the impact of their drinking, so providing specific examples can be more constructive. Gently bring up incidents that illustrate your concern, such as a time when their drinking may have led to risky behaviour or affected their well-being. For example, you could say, “Last week, you didn’t make it to an important meeting because of your hangover. That worried me because I know how much you care about your work.”
Using specific examples highlights how their drinking is affecting their life, and your intention isn’t just to critique but to help them see patterns they may not be fully aware of.
Offer Support and Resources
Let your friend know that they don’t have to face this alone and that you’re there to support them in whatever way you can. Offer to help them find resources, like local support groups, counsellors, or online resources that provide information and guidance. You could also suggest low-key, non-drinking activities you could do together, like a weekend hike or a film night, to gently encourage a lifestyle that isn’t centred around alcohol.
Additionally, if they express interest in making a change, suggest taking small steps rather than a drastic overhaul. They may find it helpful to set personal goals, like reducing their drinking gradually or scheduling alcohol-free days each week.
Respect Their Response and Give Them Space
Despite your good intentions, it’s possible your friend may not respond positively. They might be defensive, dismissive, or simply not ready to hear what you have to say. This can be difficult, but it’s important to respect their response and give them the time they need to reflect on the conversation. Remind them that you’re there for them whenever they need, and let them know they can reach out at any time.
Change often takes time, and even if your friend doesn’t seem receptive right away, your words might plant a seed that could grow in the future. Stay patient and supportive, and avoid pressuring them to make immediate changes.
Leave a Reply