And then there were two? After the first weekend in October??
That remains to be seen but there were some interesting developments in Week 5 that lead into Week 6 in college football.
One of the Cockroachs got crushed while the other one was kept alive by Coach Oh (No!), Oregon proved that Duck Farts are more than just a drink on Deadliest Catch, the Pac-12 is still in the dark (when Oregon State is your most consistent team, you’re in trouble as a league), Joey Freshwater had his popcorn explode in his face yet it was enjoyed by Big Al on the Alabama sideline, the Hurricanes are more like a tropical depression, the Trampolines are still the Trampolines and the roasted Hogs got a lesson from the Georgia professors that they are not as close to being where they and everyone else thought they were going into the weekend.
Now onto this week’s games. All times Pacific because the Prognosticator lives on the West Coast.
Oklahoma vs. Texas (9 a.m., ABC, Red River Rivalry, at Jerry’s World)
The Boomers are like those stacked empty beer cup pyramids you see in Oktoberfest beer gardens. It keeps getting bigger and bigger but you know at some point it’s going to collapse. The Burnt Orangers hope to charge through it like Bevo did to UGA in the Sugar Bowl but can they bust up the OU undefeated party? Not likely because the Schooners are on full guard this week but maybe another team will do it next week. Or perhaps the next. At any rate, you know it’s just a matter of time before it’s going to all come tumbling down to the ground. Winner: Oklahoma
Maryland at Ohio State (9 a.m., FOX)
The Turnovers (seven against Iowa) head into the Nuthouse where they hope that Tua’s Little Brother will throw at least as many completions to his teammates as he does to the other team. The Turtles will stay in their shells while the Nuts will crack open their full platter and make this a rout. Winner: Ohio State
Arkansas at Ole Miss (9 a.m., ESPN)
Now that they are back down to normal competition, the Hogs look to regain their footing against a suddenly humbled opponent. The question here is will the Hottie Toddies lose two weeks in a row to Alabama like they did last year and make Joey eat even more humble pie instead of popcorn? Winner: Arkansas
Georgia at Auburn (12:30 p.m., CBS)
Is this one of those “Prayer at Jordan-Hare” miracle years for the Auburn Cockroaches? Had they lost to Georgia State – which they should have but of course did not – their season would be in shambles. Instead, they escaped with their lives then stayed alive just long enough to beat LSU and since Auburn is such a momentum program, anything can happen now. The Kirby Canines look like pit bulls but if they are to win this one they need to step on the Cockroaches early and keep their paws down tight or they will find themselves in a Dawgfight until the last play of the game. Winner: Georgia
Wisconsin at Illinois (12:30 p.m., BTN)
The former Bielemas take on the current Bielemas with the dilemma being figuring out which team is in worse shape. All the jumping up and down can’t generate any offense for the Badgers while the Illini are fighting a losing battle after having lost to the United States Tennis Association earlier this year. If anything can put a little bounce back in Bucky’s step, it’s a game against this team. Winner: Wisconsin
Penn State at Iowa (1 p.m., FOX)
The Hawkeyes came into the season disguising themselves as their usual Big 10 so-so selfs only to suddenly appear as the No. 3 team in the country. Into Kinnick Stadium come the cats from Penn who themselves are looking pretty good in the mirror. They struggle to move the ball but always seem to hit the pass when they need to, but this needs to happen fairly often in the middle of Cornfield County. Do that and avoid any turnovers and they will return happy to Happy Valley. Winner: Penn State
Michigan at Nebraska (4:30 p.m., ABC)
The Shuckers have the same offense as the Auburn Cockroaches in that their best offensive play is to let their quarterback drop back to pass and then scramble out of trouble. The only difference is Bo Nix is able to close his eyes and throw a touchdown pass 40 yards down the field whereas Adrian Martinez must do it all himself. And while it’s foolish to declare that Big Blue is back based on its competition to date that won’t be nearly enough to knock off the Wolverines. Winner: Michigan
Air Force at Wyoming (4 p.m., CBSSN)
This one is for you, Rob. Your Falcons will fly high to 5-1 this week. Winner: Air Force
Notre Dame at Virginia Tech (4:30 p.m., ACC Network)
This is the game the Prognosticator had pegged for the Irish Cockroaches to go down the drain but they already went down that hole last week against Cincinnati. After all, this is just the kind of game the unpredictable Earthquakes often use to shake up their frustrated fan base. It won’t be quite the rattling experience it would have been against a Top 5 team but if they pull it off it will collapse the Irish’s season. Winner: Virginia Tech
Alabama at Texas A&M (5 p.m., CBS)
The Crimson Tide defense is on a roll after draining the lake of the Joey Freshwaters. How hostile will the notoriously-loud Kyle Field crowd be after the team lost at home to pedestrian Mississippi State remains to be seen. An early onslaught would likely send them to the Dixie Chicken by halftime. The Cadets should take that 12 Man out of the stands and put him on the field hoping nobody will notice. Heck, make it a 13th and 14th man, too. It would not matter on offense, for they are marching in the wrong direction. Is Jimbo Fisher – what many astute observers have suggested for a while now – just a mediocre coach without the Crab Legs quarterback yet with a savvy agent who takes advantage of weak athletic directors to sign ridiculous contracts? Some Aggie fans are starting to wonder. Winner: Alabama
Utah at USC (5 p.m., FOX)
One of the big (okay, many) complaints about the Helton Skelter coach was the fact he played favorites. That’s why he kept Sam Darnold on the bench until injury forced him into action. And now you have to think the same thing about Drake London, who was the backup until an injury forced him into action. The Utes are reeling from yet another team tragedy and that won’t help against Troy. Winner: USC
UCLA at Arizona (7:30 p.m, ESPN)
As frequent readers know, I refer to UCLA at the Trampolines. That is because they are up one week and down the next. Here is my theory as to why that is the case, tho I would have to consult my Bruin friend who was in the locker room in the Donahue era as an All-American lineman to confirm. It’s because they are in Southern California. Land of sunshine (325 days a year!), wide beaches, California girls in bikinis and all other kinds of distractions. So they really don’t let little things like winning and losing college football games bother them all that much. Oh, they can get up for big out-of-conference games (right LSU!) but just can’t focus against Fresno State and so-so conference opponents. All that being said, they could go surfing and show up at halftime with wet hair and still whip these Zonies. Winner: UCLA
And now, enjoy this song from a new social media buddy.