Auburn & Notre Dame Keep Surviving While It’s the Hogs At The Dogs And Alabama Hoping To Roll Over Ole Miss
I have a nickname for two college football programs.
Upon first reading this you are likely to come to the quick conclusion that it is an incredible insult. But that is not the case. It is a testament to those schools’ resiliency, an ability to never give up, to never quit.
They also usually benefit from some sort of “momentum play” such as a blocked punt or pick-six interception just when they need it. They also have the ball bounce in funny ways for them – call them fluke plays if you want but they happen so often to these teams they almost seem to be a part of the game plan– and get favorable officials calls that keep drives alive or stymie their opponents.
That nickname is the Coachroaches and it applies to Auburn and Notre Dame. Just like the ancient creatures, these teams may appear to be dead and defeated but just when you take your foot off of them, they spring back to life. This is why they are able to win so many games they they have no business of winning.
You can add Oklahoma to that list this year because of the way it is pulling out close games. This will not continue, tho. Clemson is no longer in that category because at some point, you have to have enough of an offense to score when the opportunity presents itself.
And hey, at least none of those teams are Florida State.
Now on to this week’s games. All times Pacific because the Prognosticator lives on the West Coast.
Arkansas at Georgia (9 a.m., ESPN)
The Hogs are at the Dogs. Coach Pitbull Pitman returns to ‘Tween the Hedges with a team that is surging like flames on a BBQ pit. They have a wounded knee quarterback, tho, and their ultimate competitiveness comes down to how much – and how effectively – he plays. The Kirby Canines called off the Dawgs after the first quarter last weekend but they will be in an old-fashioned physical dogfight this weekend. Winner: Georgia
Michigan at Wisconsin (9 a.m., FOX)
The battered Badgers return home but don’t get much of a chance to recuperate with Big Blue coming into the Camp. UM is certainly capable of doing something UW isn’t, and that’s score. Like last week, the D will keep Wisconsin in it but eventually the Wolverines will escape and run wild over the Badgers. Winner: Michigan
USC at Colorado (11 a.m., Pac 12)
If you think Clemson’s offense is bad, wait until you get a look at the Dorrell Dullards. Not only can they not score, they have trouble crossing midfield. So despite still suffering from the Helton Hangover, the Trojans will make this an easy Conquest. Winner: USC
Cincinatti at Notre Dame (11:30, NBC)
The Irish Cockroaches look to stay alive against the cagy Bearcats, who hope to prove they belong in the College Football Playoffs conversation. Do they? This game may still not answer the question because the Domers are a wide left field goal (against Florida State, how embarrassing) and blown defensive coverage (against Toledo, even more embarrassing) from being 2-2. Lost in their fourth-quarter blowout of Wisconsin is the fact they only rushed for three – three!– yards, averaged just 3.5 yards per play and went 5-16 on third-down conversions. But, living up to their Pigskin Prognosticator nickname, they always manage to survive and will do it again this week. Winner: Notre Dame
Ole Miss at Alabama (12:30 p.m., CBS)
Joey Fishwater (inside Tuscaloosa joke referring to Kiffin) will be throwing the ocean at the Tide. With a week off to prepare for this one, he will be doing underneath routes, crossing routes, Joey routes, disguising the tight end trying to sneak him open over the middle and tossing in the occasional run and wild scramble in a furious attempt to scramble up points. The Pachyderms will stomp back with an offensive show of their own. Bryce Young is as cool as a frozen Yellow Hammer at Gallettes, he’s got a sudden stud of a running back in Jase McClellan that brings Najee Harris to mind and a defensive front that will put enough pressure on Matt Carrol to keep him constantly on his toes. As well as on his rear end a few times. Winner: Alabama
Oregon at Stanford (12:30 p.m., ABC)
The Ducks seem to play to the level of their competition – particularly in the first two-plus quarters – and who knows what they will get in Stanford. The Trees can be both intimidating and intimidated. Once the Quackers figure out which team they are playing, they will glide to victory. Winner: Oregon
Oklahoma at Kansas State (12:30 p.m., FOX)
The Kansas Cats hope to lay the boom on the Boomers but that’s an elusive trick because the Okies have had just enough magic left to still be undefeated. Eventually, OU is going to get stomped on but K State doesn’t have enough to weight to do it. Winner: Oklahoma
Ohio State at Rutgers (12:30 p.m., Big 10)
Any thoughts of a Rutgers resurgence went out the window last week in the Big House and now the scarred Knights host a bunch of Nuts from Ohio. The Acorns are ripe to get roasted another time or two this year but it won’t happen in Piscataway, New Jersey. Winner: Ohio State
Mississippi State at Texas A&M (4 p.m., SEC Network)
The Cadets marched out of Jerry’s World with their heads hanging low and are looking for a lot of vocal support from the 12th Man at Kyle Field. They have an outstanding running back in Spiller but he can’t do it all himself and that is a big part of the problem. The Leaches will throw the ball some 60 times – mainly on short crossing routes – but unless they hit on a couple of big plays it won’t be enough to outmaneuver the home team. Winner: Texas A&M
Indiana at Penn State (4:30 p.m., ABC)
The Lions roared two weeks ago during the White Out and the Happy Valley crowd looks to do the same in order to dispatch the visiting Hoosiers. This will be a good “growing game” for the home team as it is still building momentum and confidence as the season rolls into Rocktober. Winner: Penn State
Auburn at LSU (6 p.m., ESPN)
The Tiger-striped Cockroaches have already fired their receivers coach four games into the season. This is an early indication the new coach is looking to surround himself in a cocoon of supporters because he’s already feeling the heat at the little village on the Plains. He also benched Bo, which frankly was a long overdue move. Coach Oh can relate, for he’s one loss away from slipping on a banana peel and into the unemployment line. He’s not going to slip up this week and Aubie is going to need more of that favorable SEC officiating to survive this one. Winner: LSU
Arizona State at UCLA (7:30 p.m., FS1)
The Trampolines bounced back from their Fresno State fall by trouncing Stanford so naturally we can expect them to get trampled by the visiting Hermanators. The Rose Bowl doesn’t provide much of a home-field advantage so they are going to have to create their own enthusiasm. And they will have a devil of a time doing it against the Sun Devils. Winner: Arizona State