(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});
By Kevin Wilkerson, PubClub.com College Football Blogger
This is, as the ‘ol ball coach once said, “talking season.” And come Labor Day Weekend it will be “doing it” season.
But for now, college football fans and media get sanitized remarks from coaches and players at press conferences and interviews during preseason conference media days. They offer no true glimpses into how a team may do in the upcoming year or any real news. They are like the stretching period before a practice or game. When coaches do this, it’s called “coachspeak.” When players do it, it’s called avoiding running the stadium steps when they get back to campus.
But man, sometimes I would like the coaches and players to open up and say what they really mean during these preseason events. A few examples are below with both the “PR correct” answer and the one I would like to hear.
About A Team’s New Coordinator
Coach’s PR Correct Answer: “He brings a unique understanding of our system, is a hard worker and the players respond well to him.”
Answer I Would Like To Hear: “Hey listen. He’s the only guy I could get. Our previous coordinator bolted at the last minute and every decent coordinator was taken. Don’t worry, tho, he will be gone in two years. In fact, I’m already searching for his replacement.”
Player’s PR Correct Answer: “Coach relates to us very well. He’s really smart and makes sure we do things the right way. I like coach.”
Answer I Would Like To Hear: “This turkey doesn’t know squat. I have no idea how we’re going to be any good with this guy leading us.”
About Replacing A Proven Starter With A Newcomer
Coach’s PR Correct Answer: “We’re excited to see what these guys can do now that they have the opportunity.”
Answer I Would Like To Hear: “Our new quarterback couldn’t throw the ball into the ocean if he were standing on the beach. The new receiver has the nickname of ‘butterfingers’ and the new DB might as well wear a welcome mat on his chest instead of a jersey. But hey, we’ve got a good new long snapper that should win us some games!”
Player’s PR Correct Answer: “He brings different skills to the position that will show up on the field.”
Answer I Would Like To Hear: “Oh man, are we in trouble!”
About A Rival Coach Or Players
Coach’s PR Correct Answer: “I have a tremendous amount of respect for (insert name) and the program he has built. It’s always a challenge to play them.”
Answer I Would Like To Hear: “That guy is the biggest sleezeball in the game. Hell, half his team is transfers because half the players he recruited have left. I can’t stand him or his program and look forward to handing him his ass again this year.”
Player’s PR Correct Answer: “I know a lot of those guys from playing against them in high school and at camps and really respect their game.”
Answer I Would Like To Hear: “I can’t stand the guy. He’s a real jerk. Plays real dirty, too, always waiting for the ref to turn his head before cold-cocking you from behind. Nobody on his high school team liked him either.”
On A Rival Team
Coach’s PR Correct Answer: “They have a great tradition with a very enthusiastic fan base and we enjoy playing them every year.”
Answer I Would Like To Hear: “I can’t stand that school. Their fans are the worst in college football and their stadium is a dump.”
Player’s PR Correct Answer: “(Name of school) has a great program. They recruited me. I went on a visit and enjoyed it there.”
Answer I Would Like To Hear: “Yeah, they recruited me. And everyone else, too. But there’s no way I would have gone to that crappy place. I don’t like their coaches, their fans, their players and stupid traditions. I look forward to kicking their butts again this year.”
On The Transfer Portal:
Coach’s PR Correct Answer: “We take advantage of it because it’s a great tool all coaches can and should utilize. It has helped us to bring in some quality players who have added depth at key positions.”
Answer I Would Like To Hear: “I can’t stand the damned thing. We spent all that time, money and energy to recruit and coach a player yet if he doesn’t start immediately he’s in the transfer portal. So we have to baby these guys or we may not have enough players left to field a team.”
Player’s PR Correct Answer: “So-and-so is a great addition to our team. Him being here challenges us and makes us all better.”
Answer I Would Like To Hear: “Who the hell are these guys? One minute we’re the starter and the next we’re riding the pine because of them. Plus, they guy brought in at my position is hitting on my girlfriend! I’m going to be hitting on him before this season’s finished.”
A Coach On Taking A New Job
PR Correct Answer: “This is a tremendous new opportunity at a great school with a lot of potential for winning. It was the best move for myself and my family.”
Answer I Would Like To Hear: “Are you kidding me? Did you see how much money those idiots offered me? I would be foolish to turn it down. Plus, I was barely over .500 at my last school and was starting to hear it from the alumni so man I bolted the first chance I got to get the heck out of there. Now, even if I get fired here after a few years, I’m set for life. See you in the broadcast booth soon!
A Player Possibly Declaring Early For The NFL
PR Correct Answer: “For now, I am just concentrating on this season, this team and my teammates.”
Answer I Would Like To Hear: “If I could go pro after my sophomore year, I would already be in the NFL. Tearing it up, you know. Dominating. This college stuff and going to classes is for the birds. I can’t wait to get a big contract and spend it on a way-too-big-house, a 300K sports car and ripping it up in Vegas on the bye week.”
Leave a Reply