10 Ways To Know You’ve Caught Keys Disease While In The Florida Keys

Flip Flops, Bug Bites & Drinking With A Hangover

While visiting a bar a friend owned in Islamorada in the Florida Keys, I “kidnapped” one of his waitresses and we went bouncing between bars and restaurants along the Overseas Highway. The more we drank, the more we laughed, and somewhere along the way we came up with this list of 10 ways to know you’ve caught the local fever known as Keys Disease.

Keys Disease is what happens when the laid-back Florida Keys lifestyle takes over your mind and body. Suddenly, wearing shoes seems unnecessary, happy hour becomes an all-day activity and you’re identifying locations by mile markers instead of street addresses.

It doesn’t happen immediately. Like a well-made rumrunner, it kind of sneaks up on you. And then suddenly, you exclaim: “oh my gosh, I’ve got Keys Disease!”

Now there are signs that you are being overcome with it. I know the feeling and this is why the waitress and I came up with this list of the Top 10 Ways To Know You’ve Caught Keys Disease:

1.) You are hungover yet still continue to drink. Heavily.

2.) You are hot. Morning, noon and night.

3.) Your feet and lower legs are covered with itchy red dots. They are bug bites from the no-see-ums.

4.) You are wearing flip flops and haven’t put on shoes since you arrived.

5.) You quit wearing flip flops and start going barefoot.

6.) You haven’t had a full meal yet. Instead you’ve had chowder here, conch fritters there, key lime pie over there…

7.) You are driving 55 mph one minute on the Overseas Highway and 35 the next.

8.)  You refer to the location of places not by addresses and GPS but by mile markers and the side of the water. “It’s at Mile Marker 20 bayside.”

9.) You see a turtle or dolphin at sunset. From a bar on the water, of course.

10.) If a local starts to refer to you as a “conch,” you’ve caught Keys Disease!

Next Stops On The Florida Keys Party Bus…

• The Nightly Ritual Of Mallory Square Sunsets

• PubClubbing: A Guide To The Best Key West Bars

• Key West Orientation & Visitor’s Guide

The Nightlife Blogger is the bar columnist for PubClub.com, An award-winning journalist, Kevin Wilkerson has spent more than two decades covering bars, nightlife, destinations and events around the world, always searching for the stories and experiences most travelers overlook.