Okay, I love going out to bars. Pubs, clubs, dive bars, nice lounges, you name it.
But sometimes certain things just drive me crazy. And while I’m normally a mild-mannered take–it-as-it-comes kind of guy, here’s my pet peeves of bars and nightclubs. By the way, the rare times I do a rant, I do it under the “pen name” of Mr. Sorehead.
Bars should administer IQ tests instead of checking IDs
I know some perfectly well-behaved 18-year-olds who can handle alcohol. Then again, I’ve seen people in their 30s, 40s and even 50s want to pick fights every time they take a swig. Getting into bars should not be based on age but rather intelligence. Instead of IDs, we should be made to carry IQ cards; those prone to pick fights and get violent would not be allowed in the bars regardless of age. Period.
Creating lines to appear to be popular is arrogant.
I hate lines to begin with, but to artificially create them just to appear to be the “in” spot puts a bad taste in my mouth about a place. Keep this in mind, bar managers and owners, because it’s unlikely we’ll give it a good review – if at all.
Attention bar restroom designers: Create a place for men to put their drink when we use the stall!
Gee, it would seem to be the most basic of design elements. People in public places – particularly bars – have to do good ‘ol Number One and we often take our drinks with us (hey, there can be a long wait or we might meet someone along the way). Yet to do so creates the issue of what to do with said drink while relieving oneself.
Often, it’s a high-wire balancing act, the glass or bottle teetering on the top of the metal flushing devise or placed on the side where there’s the chance that some unwanted drip will find its way into the drink. In Greece, hardly a forward-thinking nation, they’ve had the brains to put ridges at the top of the flushing mechanism; this securely holds bottles, cans, glasses and cups in place. At the very least, bar owners, please install a shelf!
The same should apply to port-o-lets, by the way. What is the possible point of the plastic area next to the seat and the toliet paper holder being sloped? Do the people who design some of the things in the world actually ever use them??
• Cigars Stink
One of these smelly sticks can stink up a whole bar. They should not be allowed except in special cigar bars.
Memo to restaurants: Don’t hire soft-speaking waiters.
“And today’s specials are…” WHAT!? Speak up! Most do it for effect, anyway, using that old business control ploy to make you lean in so he’s in charge. I just go for what’s on the menu. Then never go back to the restaurant.
Too many bar owners – primarily in the USA – are cheap and don’t hire enough bartenders
It’s part of capitalism, I suppose, to constantly think about profits, but shouldn’t customer satisfaction be in the mix somewhere? In the States, it’s not uncommon to wait 15 minutes to be served at a crowded bar. Employing just one more bartender would increase drink pouring efficiency, increase sales. And all for the cost of what, 10 bucks an hour. Bartenders survive on tips, not salary.
• People who don’t wash their hands after using the bathroom are gross
How is it that some grown people, whom society says is intelligent enough to handle alcohol, don’t wash their hands after using the bathroom? This the first thing we learn about personal hygiene, yet a few choose to ignore it. Just imagine what else they skip in this area (actually, I’d rather not). I always note these mental midgets and are sure to avoid shaking their hand or high-fiving if we’re at or watching a sporting event.
• People stopping in high-traffic areas should be poked until they move out of the way
They come off airplane concourses, escalators and elevators into crowded areas and then, well, just stop. It’s clueless behavior, I tell you!
• Too Americans are satisfied with crappy beer
What people want to drink is up to them. Where I have a problem is when it limits my choices. Restaurants and bars understandably only stock the stuff that sells and with Americans obviously oblivious to good-tasting brew I often get stuck with the same crappy choices. Now, if people would upgrade their tastes, then I would be able to enjoy better beer on a more regular basis.
More Mr. Sorehead Posts:
• Things That Annoy Me About Updating Apps & OS Systems
• Annoying Waiters Who Speak In A Heavy Accent
• Why I No Longer Care About Major League Baseball
This is really well written! So funny yet so valid too
Thank you Samantha – you’re a travel expert so this is a good endorsement!