Sure, She’s Nice To Look At But With Her Prissy Attitude She Might As Well Stay at Home
Someone once asked Jimmy Buffett where he comes up with all those great song titles and lyrics that mark his music.
“It’s out there,” The Man replied. “People are very entertaining. All you have to do is listen, watch and talk to them. It’s amazing what you will run into.”
For example, he got “If The Phone Doesn’t Ring, It’s Me” from a bathroom wall. “Let’s Get Drunk and Screw” from watching a group of salesman try and pick up a stripper.”Pre-You” from a conversation overheard in an elevator of the Hotel Del in Coronado, California. (Seems a man was quizzing his friend on what happened when he and his bride encountered the ex-girlfriend while on their honeymoon. “It’s easy,” the buddy explained, “I just told my wife she was pre-you.”)
This approach applies anywhere. The people, places and scenes of your home town provide ample entertainment for those willing to pay attention. Take, for instance, The Girl With The Great Body.
The Girl With The Great Body lives in a seaside Southern California city. She cruises along the beach on rollerblades and resides in an intimate neighborhood. Yet she remains a stranger in her own community, a prisoner in self-imposed exile looking at no one, seeing nothing and not speaking when spoken to. The Girl With The Great Body is as silent as a submarine.
Perhaps she stutters. Has a voice like Elaine from the original Airplane movie. Is so shy she burrows in the sand at the very site of another life form.
The Girl With The Great Body is a conceited snob.
Reasonably attractive (though not necessarily mind-blowing outstanding), she is very well-proportioned with large breasts, thin legs and is nicely tanned.
But The Girl With The Great Body has the personality of drywall. She blows by her neighbors without even acknowledging their presence. She looks right past people on the beach despite seeing them nearly every day. A friend reports he lived next to her for a year and she never once said “hi” to him.
At night, she goes to the bars with a couple of girlfriends and never moves her lips. Not to other patrons, not even to her girlfriends. In fact, none of them ever say anything to anybody. They just sit there and stare into space.
How the heck do they make plans to go out? Ten seconds of silence on the phone means the local cantina, 20 seconds means the dance club, a minute-and-a-half is dinner and a movie!?
Better yet, why do they even bother gong out in the first place? Social situations are for socializing, not for avoiding human contact. Are they just out to occupy valuable bar space in order to crowd others out of a good time?
The single world does not need people like this to invade our fun zone.
So, if The Girl With The Great Body – or anyone else like her, for that matter – comes up to you in a bar offering her number, give her a line from this Buffett’s song: If the phone doesn’t ring, it’s me.