Narcissists often have it all, a great job, money, success, and attractiveness but these look fantastic only on paper. While these features and qualities may seem important when looking for a decent companion, the views are totally misconceived in real life.
This is because the two foundations of narcissism are a lack of empathy for others and self-centeredness. The name finds its roots in a narrative in Greek mythology where a child named Narcissus was so self-obsessed that he fell infatuated with his reflection. This tale serves as an interpretation of persons absorbed only with themselves.
Narcissism is in reality a mental health disorder known as a narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). The condition in people is characterized by a pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and a total lack of empathy.
While you will find it difficult to diagnose these conditions when you’re dating a narcissist, as they require treatment from a qualified mental health expert, you can look for the following signs that may develop into an unhealthy relationship.
At the onset, the narcissist will shower you with undue compliments and presents exhibiting their generosity to the core. As the relationship progresses, you will notice the dynamics starting to shift, though subtly. Slowly the cycle of devaluing and discarding begins.
If you are thinking “How to tell if you’re dating a narcissist”, then this post is for you.
When your partner texts you constantly and expresses his affection in no uncertain terms in the early days of your relationship is a sign of narcissism. If they keep telling you about your good looks and how compatible the relationship is when you have just started seeing each other, is a signal that your partner’s intentions are only superficial.
If your date wants to take over the conversation or are busy talking only about themselves rather than engaging in a dialogue with you is another sign of a narcissist. Their egos get bruised in an instant and are in need of constant adulation and praise.
In short, the undeniable red flags that can uncover the charismatic traits you initially fell for in your partner are:
- Try to take control of the conversation
- Show lack of empathy
- Attempt to gain power over the relationship
- Superiority complex
- They feed off your compliments
- They have no long-term friends
- Picking on you constantly
- Never say sorry
- Show panic when you want to break up
- They lash out when their ego is severely bruised.
- Preoccupied with fantasies of power and success
- Exploiting others for personal gain
- Jealousy, distrust, envy.
For those with NPD, the traits in them are ingrained. Despite having an official guide to identify NPD, more often than not it becomes difficult to pinpoint a person who is less emphatic than others, especially where a romantic situation has arisen. This is true for those persons even who are excellent judges of character.
How to break up?
Since a narcissist can self-soothe themselves to protect themselves from harm, it will push away all the feelings they may feel for anyone. The first step to overcome this problem is by telling yourself you deserve someone much better.
Start by having a discussion with your partner and then with yourself. The reason why you may be reluctant to stop dating a narcissist is your own net worth. If you are struggling with confidence, people with NPD are bound to take undue advantage of your situation.
So strengthen your relationship with emphatic friends to establish a strong support network. Instead of being wary of love, you can encourage your partner to consider therapy.
Once you are aware of your vulnerabilities, begin to look for someone who is less charismatic and less obvious. Compassion and kindness are the long term qualities you should look for in a partner rather than charm and charisma.